It's painful and exhausting and draining and sometimes makes you feel as though you failed. Loss happens too often sometimes and no matter what you do, you can't stop it.
We lost Phoebe, my oldest dog on 1/26/24. She was my first dog of my adult life.
She was the dog that introduced me to dog training though I could never get her to listen to me. She taught me how stubborn dogs could be. She taught me that sometimes touching your dogs feet resulted in bites. She taught me to watch my fingers when giving treats.
She was a sweet girl and she was a huge bitch at times. She loved people, hated other dogs (except puppies) and tolerated me.
She was beautiful to look at and she LOVED water. I regret that we never took her swimming. She was fat for most of her life but when she was young and skinny, she could jump up and catch a bird out of the air (which she did at least once).
She was my hunting dog though I have never actually taken her hunting. She had killed up to 8 rabbits in her life and destroyed a baby bunny nest at one point.
She used to sleep on my bed in my old room, it was her favorite spot. So when I got a new mattress and a new room, she got to keep the old one as her new dog bed.
She taught me why having two assertive females dogs in the house isn't always a good idea and she's the reason I have a scar on my thigh from breaking up a dog fight. And why I know HOW to break up a dog fight.
Phoebe was officially my mom's dog but I loved her dearly and I feel like I failed her at times.
I did everything I could have to help her. I used all of my employee discount at the vet office, raked up a bill in the $2,000 range at one point to keep her healthy and in the end I feel like I could and should have done more.
Loss sucks. I know time heals, but going through that time to get to the healing is hard. The loss is still fresh, but I know it will dim eventually. It never fully goes away. And even if there are some people who say, "It's just a dog," I will always consider Phoebe as my family. While I call Casper my son, Phoebe was my sister in so many ways.
Trigger warning below for euthanasia of a pet and diagnosis details.
On 1/20/24, my oldest dog, Phoebe stopped eating. She began vomiting and couldn't keep anything down. I was away pet sitting for a client. I didn't find out until 1/22/24 that she was sick and then it wasn't until I could bring her to the vet. We had all assumed she had another bought of pancreatitis, she was prone to it all her life.
We took her vitals and her bloodwork on 1/24/24. She wasn't happy but she was still walking and growly and other than not wanting to eat, she was okay.
On 1/26/24, she couldn't stand up to walk. She wouldn't eat the medication we had gotten from the vet. I came over from my pet sitting job and brought her to the vet.
They once again did bloodwork. They collected urine, they took x-rays, they gave her an I.V. catheter. I had to watch my growly girl just laying there and letting things happen.
She had been diabetic for over a year and a half and uncontrolled for most of that time, despite us doing our best. She had developed Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Because of that, her liver was beginning to shut down. She had a urinary tract infection that was spreading to her kidneys and they were shutting down. Her heart was pumping double time to keep her body going AND she had pancreatitis.
All this combined, the doctor ( who is also my boss) told me that she would need to be hospitalized. I asked him if it would help at her age. She was 12 years old. He told me that she probably wouldn't bounce back and it wouldn't be a short stay, nor could it be where I worked as we had no overnight technicians to take care of her. He said they'd have to treat everything in order and it could take months and would be expensive.
I knew my girl would be suffering. And despite actually having to stay and work that day, my coworkers stepped up so I could go home and bring Phoebe to say goodbye. We made the decision to euthanize her the next day.
This would be a good place to say everything went to plan and my girl had a wonderful last day. But that didn't happen.
I had to go back to pet sitting, my sister called me at 8pm and told me that Phoebe had begun to seize. We took her to the emergency clinic and had to put her down that night. She thankfully wasn't aware because of the drugs they gave her to stop her seizing. My sister, father and my boyfriend stood in the room and I petted her as the doctor put her to rest.
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